


Count On Me

by Dongus57



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Opposite Day, Angst, Edd is mentioned, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Minor Character Death, Tom is mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 14:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19201081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dongus57/pseuds/Dongus57
Summary: Tord has been looking down lately and sometimes spaces out while looking at sharp objects (scissors, knives, etc.). Matt has noticed his behavior and keeps a close eye on him.





	Count On Me

_ ‘What’s wrong with him?’ _

I had been wondering the last week, silently worrying for Tord. He hadn’t been the brightest recently, a dark look in those pretty mismatched eyes- one silver and one red- whenever he walked into the kitchen. Edd would be preparing dinner with his freakishly slow and neat cutting skills, slicing up an onion or something, and I would be peeling a potato. Tord would walk in and watch the blades intently for whatever reason.

In fact, we were eating dinner now and he had paused to look over at the wooden block full of knives. His fascination with the sharp object was starting to get on my nerves. What if he was a murderer?

I almost laughed out loud at the thought. This quiet, shy roommate of mine… a murderer? The thought was ridiculous!

I went back to thinking, examining him thoroughly. The dark light in his one visible eye had disappeared, replaced by a sparkle.  _ ‘... Maybe he is a murderer. Ridiculous as it sounds… I shouldn’t let my guard down…’ _ I continued to eat, keeping an eye on him.

***

I had been wandering around the house, bat in hand. Tom had forced Edd to go with him on a shopping spree, something about Edd not getting enough sun… or was it just Tom wanting to go to the playground again? Tom didn’t have a driver’s license, so Edd and I had to drive him everywhere. Anyway, it was now just Tord and I in the house, and I’m not taking chances on him being a potential murderer. 

My grip on my bat tightened a bit at the thought of Tom or Edd being injured or- worse- killed. I had sworn to protect them as soon as we had been good friends… I couldn’t live with myself if I had let that promise slip. 

With a huff, I shook my head and started to my room, passing Tord’s on the way there. I froze when I heard a quiet little sniffle, looking to his closed door.  _ ‘That’s right… I have to protect him too- what if he’s in trouble?!’  _ My hand fidgeted and went to his doorknob, slowly turning the knob. None of the room doors had locks, mostly for safety precautions. Sure, a robber could open the door, but they would need to get passed the locked windows and front door.

I opened the door quietly, stepping in. Tord was sat on the opposite side of his bed on the floor, trembling.  _ ‘Well, he’s not in any trouble, but… is he… having a panic attack?’ _ I felt conflicted, feeling he could be a threat and wanting to help him. I slowly went around the bed, my grip loosening on my bat. 

Tord’s knees were up slightly, his lips pursed while he held up an exposed wrist- his sleeve rolled up his arm a bit… a blade about to slice the almost flawless tan skin. He hesitated, giving me enough time to swiftly hit the knife away from him and into a wall with a swing of my trusty bat, causing him to squeak in surprise. Any other time, I would’ve let myself indulge in how adorable it was, but I was mad.

I slammed the tip of my bat down onto the ground, causing him to wince away. “What the hell are you thinking?!” I shouted, glaring down at him. Little tears sprinkled to his one visible eye, causing my heart to sink.  _ ‘You’re supposed to protect him, not scare him!’ _ I sighed, crouching, my hand sliding down to the curve of the bat. “Tord… what are you doing?”

Tord looked at me for a peaceful moment before bursting into tears. “I-I’m sorry! I-I couldn’t stop m-myself… I-I miss doing it…”

“Doing what?”

“C-Cutting…”

I stared at him, not knowing what to say.  _ ‘So… he’s not a murderer. He’s something far worse.’  _ I was shocked as I looked him straight in the eye, tears still streaming down those smooth cheeks. My fingers quivered on the bat, collecting my words to try and help the situation. “Why… why would you ever want to cut… again?”

Tord flinched away, breaking our eye contact. “B-because… b-because it make m-me feel better,” he said meekly. “I-It helped through high school wh-when…” He paused, lips quivering as he tried not to cry more. 

I realized something; I knew exactly how that felt, coping with something in an unhealthy way. I huffed a little, sitting down beside Tord, my bat slipping down so that I held the handle of it loosely. Our shoulders touched as I offered a physical support. “When…?”

Tord leaned on me a little, one of his exceptionally smaller hands resting on my forearm. He sniffled a little. “... My parents d-died,” he mumbled softly, his voice wavering. He swallowed, more tears flowing from those eyes of his. “Th-they… they died t-trying to save o-one a-another…”

I remembered back in high school Tord used to be this confident, cocky little shit with tons of money that his parents used to travel almost everywhere. He had been really annoying to me at the time, always bragging about himself. That had been my thing back in high school as well. But I had to deal with him since Tord was Edd’s friend, back when Edd could deal with people better. One of the weekends in the summer, Tord and his parents had gone to… was it the beach or was it something different? I can’t remember. What I can recall, however, was that after that weekend, Tord had come back, unsettlingly quiet and with his aunt. He looked quite spooked and shaken, not interacting with anyone. 

“Th-they drowned… they drowned i-in the ocean trying t-to- to save each other. I… I was there… I-I was there th-the whole time, wh-when they were dragged b-back onto the b-beach, when n-no one could g-get the water o-out of their systems… when the w-warmth l-left their bodies.” He curled into himself, almost sobbing. 

I… I hadn’t realized it had been that bad. I hadn’t known that was the reason for his abrupt personality change. I… should’ve been there for him, held him in my arms, told him everything was okay. It wasn’t his fault, it was God’s fault for taking them away. 

“So… you started cutting yourself because… you thought you should’ve been the one to be taken…?” I received a shaky nod in response. I sighed, letting go of my bat and taking my arm away from Tord’s warmth, holding him against my side and wrapping my arm around his shoulders protectively. “Why are you cutting now?”

“... I’m a-afraid if I get too attached to y-you guys… you’ll be t-taken away too. So I thought i-if I hurt myself before th-that happens, it’ll keep a-all of you out of h-harm’s way.” Tord swallowed, burying his face into my side. “A-And sometimes I-I miss the feeling of the piercing p-pain. I-It always made me feel better a-about things, r-reassured me th-that I had everything in control.” He sniffled and cried a little more. “I-I got so desperate, I t-tried paper cutting m-myself a couple d-days ago.” He pointed to a trash can with wrinkled paper stacked in it. 

I slowly took this all in, a little concerned. I looked down at the other silently for a moment, processing everything. I hummed, wondering… “Will it help you feel any better if I can kind of relate to that in my own sort of way?” I asked quietly. Tord looked up at me in silent surprise before slowly nodding.

“M-Maybe… how do y-you know h-how this feels?”

“I don’t… but it’s a similar feeling,” I said modestly. I relaxed a little as I held Tord closer, wanting to be sure he was safe. “Well… back in high school, do you remember how I was this narcissistic, bragging, vain little shit?” Tord hesitantly nodded again. “I gradually changed as my grades decreased. My parents and older sibling were stressing me out to no end, yelling at me to do this or that, too lazy or busy to do anything themselves. My parents didn’t take care of my younger sibling very well, so I ended up being her parent figure… 

Being so busy, I didn’t have time to do my homework unless I was willing to stay up long, late hours,” I continued. “I ended up using cigarettes as my coping me mechanism. It got so bad, that at seventeen, I was smoking at least a pack or two a day, which wasn’t helping our financial problem.” It brought back some awful memories as I continued to talk, remembering my parents arguing all the time while my older brother threw things at me and my younger sister, needing things done so that he was ready for his never-ending dates with his girlfriend, the almost constant crying from my baby sister-

“M-Matt?” Tord asked, gently shaking me. “... Are you okay? Y-you went quiet…”

“Hm?” I looked over at him, focusing on Tord again. I saw he looked worried, lips pursed once more. “Oh- no, I’m just fine,” I reassured with a nod. “Anyway, what I’m saying is that… I got through that time and I don’t smoke anymore. I can’t even think of going back to doing that thanks to you guys. You keep me on my feet, Edd helps keep me busy, and Tom is a really great distraction.”

Tord looked at me before smiling a small bit. “I-I should appreciate you a-all more then… m-maybe that’ll help me through this.” He sniffled and snuggled closer, crying still, even though he looked better. He was sensitive, and I understood that better now. 

“Can I…?” I gently placed my hand under his slightly exposed arm, lightly lifting it closer. Tord seemed to hesitate before nodding and glancing away in shame.

I took his small hand in my larger one, sliding his sleeve up his arm slowly with my free hand. Old and fading scars littered the smooth tan skin on his arm, going from his wrist to the middle of his forearm, some even going passed that and closer to the opposite side of his elbow. It made my breath shaky, my fingers gently gliding down the scars. Tord closed his eyes and bit his lip, seeming to try not to cry more. 

I continued to examine them, seeing ones that were probably deeper than some of the other ones, before pulling his thick, red sweater sleeve back over them. I gently brought his hand to my lips, kissing it. Then I relaxed, holding Tord against my chest loosely. He was flushed pink, but now he cuddled against me. “I’ll keep you safe from everyone, even yourself if necessary. You can count on me,” I promised quietly.

Tord looked up at me for a moment before smiling a little more than he usually did. “I-I’ll be here if y-you want to t-talk,” he mumbled, nestling closer. Then he was closing his eyes softly.

Of course, I would’ve wanted to discuss my own issues through with him, but perhaps that was for another day. I glanced at the knife in the wall and mentally nodded to myself. Another day.


End file.
